Remembering Self for the Well Spouse

Guest post at My Life Works Today Blog

Andrea Crisp — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 19:40:43 +0000

Check out the first in a series of guest blog posts at the Northwest's own Lupus support web site My Life Works Today (MLWT). Started by Maria Pfeifer, the MLWT mission is to inspire individuals who are living with all forms of Lupus and Lupus-related illnesses by being a strong resource of opportunities reflecting the potential and well-being of our Oregon and SW Washington communities.

MLWT has an active blog with posts by Maria and other bloggers who are both local and national experts in their field. There is also a wonderful forum for those with Lupus and other auto-immune diseases to share and connect with others.

Maria brought me on to share my experience as a well-spouse and a little about self-care and laughter. this first post in an introduction. Stay tuned for updates!

More on Resolutions: Honesty and Self-care

Andrea Crisp — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 20:52:54 +0000

I just read, the president of the Well Spouse Association, Richard Anderson's January 5th blog post about New Year's resolutions. In the post, he shares an article written by fellow well spouse and WSA Board member, Terri Corcoran. I highly recommend you check this post out. The New Year, really any time of year as a well spouse or partner, you may find yourself needing a reminder to be good to yourself. I like to refer to this as extreme self-care. Extreme self-care is about what you need to do to recharge your batteries or prevent a nervous breakdown. The little things that add sanity and balance to our daily lives. It is different for everyone, but this is what Remembering Self is all about. Learning new ways of coping and self-care.

A Taste: from Well Spouse to Sick Partner

Andrea Crisp — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 18:14:21 +0000

I had a health scare over the last several weeks that was a small blessing in disguise. It gave me a brief, albeit agonizing, chance to feel from the other side. My experience has been that of the well spouse; the healthy one. This is all despite the fact that I have struggled with my own health issues over the years, as many well spouses do. Like others in my shoes, my issues just seemed minor in comparison to the ravages of Lupus that my late husband experienced. Overall my assumption, even now that I am remarried, is that I will continue to be the well spouse, because Dan is quite a bit older than me. Statistically he will die before me, so I’ve always assumed that I will one day be in a caretaker position again and that I will one day be a widow again.

43 Things: Great Site for the New Year

Andrea Crisp — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 19:20:52 +0000

I've just discovered a wonderful web site called 43 Things that I wanted to share with everyone. In case you've never heard of it, 43 Things is a social networking site, but one with a self-help twist. The site is designed so that you can 1) List your goals for others to see (accountability), 2) Update everyone on your roadblocks or progress, 3) Cheer others on and be cheered on. What a perfect discovery to begin the New Year!

EFT: A new tool for chronically ill & well spouses alike!

Andrea Crisp — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 22:02:00 +0000

Emotional Freedom Technique, also known as EFT, is an amazing new tool for the well spouse tool box. It is something that both you and your partner can use for most anything that ails you. EFT is a new type of energy work that you can do yourself. Using the same theories as acupuncture and acupressure and the psychology of our mind-body connection, EFT incorporates tapping on certain points in your energy meridians with affirmation statements and yields remarkable results.

Coping around the holidays

Andrea Crisp — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 20:43:00 +0000

The holidays can be a stressful time for many people, but it can be especially stressful for the chronically ill and their partners. The holidays often mean a change in routine and busier schedules, both of which can add to the stress of a chronic illness, especially if the regular routine already has your frazzled. At this time of year we may be invited to parties and have opportunities to see friends and family that we haven't seen in quite awhile. These can all create stress and uncomfortable situations, but they don’t have too.

Shopping and Chronic Illness

Andrea Crisp — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 04:16:30 +0000

The Signs of a Shopaholic

According to an article from WebMD, the signs of a shopping addicition are as follows:

Spending over budget. Spending regardless of the financial impact, disregard for budget.
Compulsive buying. Going to the store for one thing and coming home with a million things that weren't on the list.
It's a chronic. It is not a one time spree. This is an ongoing problem.
Hiding the problem. Having secret credit card accounts. Hiding purchses or receipts. Lying about amounts purchased or spent.
A vicious circle. Guilt often ensues, but returning an items at the store often opens them up to another chane to shop.
Impaired relationships. Guilt, broken trust, the behavior consuming all of their time. Relationships usually begin to suffer for one reason or another related to the addiction.
Clear consequences. A pattern and loss of control signals a serious problem.

Chronic Illness and Consumerism

Andrea Crisp — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 00:24:02 +0000

FreeFoto.comSince it is the holiday season I wanted to share my experience with chronic illness and consumerism. I don't know that I have ever seen this addressed in this way, so hopefully my experience can be helpful to someone out there.

One of the reasons I fell in love with Jeff when we met was his love and care for the outdoors. He was active, loved hiking and camping and was an environmentalist. As the Lupus began to ravage his body more and more it became more and more difficult for him to enjoy the outdoors as he once had; as he still wanted too.

The hidden blessing in your partner's diagnosis

Andrea Crisp — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 18:31:31 +0000

Blessing you say? Am I crazy? Finding blessings in a chronic illness diagnosis may be hard to stomach, especially if this is brand new, but think about it. If this diagnosis is the new reality, what benefit do you get from fighting it? Long term denial and struggling more than necessary only serve to drain you both more in the end. That can't be good for either of you or your health. The biggest blessing hidden in this diagnosis is the change in perspective you now have at your finger tips. Within this blessing of perspective change lay many other tiny blessings, all now within your reach if you choose to cultivate them.

Forever Changed: New Chronic Illness Diagnosis

Andrea Crisp — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 17:17:00 +0000

You're partner was just diagnosed with a chronic illness. A million things are running through your head and some of them have nothing to do with your partner. One thing you will find in this blog is that no matter what you are feeling it is okay to feel it. I will never tell anyone that their feelings are wrong. No one else has your specific set of life experiences and so no one can ever know exactly what you are feeling, but that doesn't mean that you are alone. Or that you are the only person to ever go through this.

Some of the things that you may be feeling are: