« Coping around the holidays »

The holidays can be a stressful time for many people, but it can be especially stressful for the chronically ill and their partners. The holidays often mean a change in routine and busier schedules, both of which can add to the stress of a chronic illness, especially if the regular routine already has your frazzled. At this time of year we may be invited to parties and have opportunities to see friends and family that we haven't seen in quite awhile. These can all create stress and uncomfortable situations, but they don’t have too.

Many people may not realize the impact that a change in routine can have on you and your partner. Depending on the severity of the illness, you may find it impossible to meet the demands of your previous holiday schedules. Friends and family may expect you to do things as you always have (like visiting three houses on Christmas Day) or as they would. Remember that you and your partner’s well being are now priority.

If you do see someone that you haven’t seen in awhile, depending on the newness of the diagnosis or the impact of the illness, they might be shocked at changes in appearance or ability. These things and more can create uneasiness amongst everyone, especially if left unspoken. Of course, you need to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page about what is appropriate to share with others and in public and what isn’t. If you are able to talk freely, naming the elephant in the room can help put everyone at ease. Be honest about the illness and its impact and if you can have a sense of humor where appropriate. A good chuckle always puts people at ease. There will always be someone you would rather just small talk and say everything is great. That's fine. Choose were to spend your energy wisely. But it is okay to let your guard down once-in-awhile and share your experience with those that are close to you.

You can also use Christmas and the New Year as a chance to keep everyone updated on the status of your family, your partner’s progress etc. An electronic newsletter or email recap of the year is always nice and can save time and money if you are used to mailing out cards and letters.

Overall, remember to give yourself permission to enjoy little things about the holidays. A cup of tea by the Christmas tree lit living room, a snuggle by the fire, board games with best friends. Also give yourself permission to turn down invitations. There may be some things that maybe you never liked to begin with! Now that your partner has a chronic illness, it is more imperative than ever that you both listen to your hearts and spend time doing only that which is important to you, that which feeds your soul versus what others might expect of you or what might drain you rather that fill you up. Remember the spirit of Christmas is love, not material things and the New Year is about new beginnings not necessarily attending a big bash.